


Introspection

by Dee2387



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:31:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5962419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee2387/pseuds/Dee2387
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Greg thinks about his relationship with Rebecca. First person. Please read and review xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy there are writers for this show already and I sincerely hope more pop up. I love this show. It is incredible! Also I feel I should declare my obsession with Santino Fontana upfront #obsessed

Why do I always allow myself to get sucked back into Rebecca's twisted little world? The girl is poison. She's clearly got some sort of weird Josh obsession going on, and her reasons for moving from a half a million dollar job in New York (Google stalking was surprisingly effective in this case) to a crappy firm in West Covina, are pure bullshit. Clearly she's mentally deficient.

And yet, I keep seeking her out. So I must be pretty mentally deficient too. 

What is it about her? She's not even that attractive. I have Heather, who is exotic and gorgeous... even if she is a little young and doesn't understand how mainstream and bourgeois her 'alt' lifestyle is. It's not like Rebecca is a mature, sophisticated woman of the world. Harvard and Yale might have made her a damn good lawyer but they certainly didn't help her grow up. 

And believe me I get the irony of all this. I live and breath arrested development. I still live in West Covina, I've worked in the same damn bar for years. Serving the dredges of society (like seriously how much of an alcoholic would you have to be to become a regular in a bar that doubles as a kids restaurant after little league games?) trying to keep my head above water, watching my Dads health decline and trying not to become a bitter twisted angry man.

Okay, so the bitterness has been hard to avoid. How did my life turn out this way? It's not like I had a huge list of things I wanted to achieve, all I wanted to do was travel and get a decent education. And I've managed neither of those things. Josh got out of West Covina, he went to New York. My Mecca. And he left, gave it all up. The people, the culture, the glorious, wonderful freedom of Manhattan. Eight months there and he left because he couldn't wear board shorts to the office? What the hell? Then he comes back home to his hot (crazy and sociopathic but scary hot) girlfriend and picks up right where he left off. Perfect uncomplicated life. Sometimes I really do hate him.

And then Rebecca comes into my life, and she's so intriguing. She different and weird, but attractively so. Except when she opens her mouth, because inevitably whatever she says will be a huge lie. Aside from the rare occasion when she does tell the truth. Truths which are often so uncomfortable, I can almost understand why she wants to create a new narrative for herself. 

Of course she's obsessed with Josh. If anyone can understand her compulsion to live within the simple, uncomplicated calm of Josh's sphere of influence, I can. I've been doing it for years. I know myself well enough to acknowledge that my friendship with Josh would not have happened if we'd met as adults. Fundamentally we're incredibly different people. I wonder if Rebecca even realises that her obsession with Josh has so little to do with him and so much to do with how she wishes her life was different, less complicated, less adult.

I wonder if she realises how similar we really are? I get her, and when she allows herself, she gets me. Which just makes all this so much worse. We could have been great together. 

So why was I freaking out over Heathers declaration of butterflies? I asked Rebecca out twice, I never worried about her feelings escalating, I wanted them to. I thought they might have during our second date. I thought we were on the same page. The same weird dysfunctional page. I can't imagine Heather ever dancing like an idiot in public, she's too 'cool' for that. Rebecca genuinely doesn't care about looking foolish. Most of the time that lack of awareness leads to disaster but her passion can be infectious. Aside from the pole dancing, which was just weird, and hot (so freakin' hot). Really difficult to watch when sitting next to someone you're hooking up with though.

My dreams that night were super erotic. I still get flashbacks at the worst times, like when I'm in bed with Heather. I don't think she'd appreciate that. Even if she enjoys the outcome of the thought process they inspire... Men really are disgusting sometimes.

I'm going to have to to take a major step back from her. It's self destructive. Even if sometimes it seems like she's a decent human being and I really do think if Josh wasn't in the picture then we might have had a chance. It's not healthy. It's bordering on obsessive and I am not crazy. Not Rebecca level crazy anyway.

From now on, it's business school and Heather and my Dad. I've got to prioritise. And Rebecca is not a priority. I will not allow myself to get sucked back into her manipulative little world. I got the book on commitment, now I've just got to commit to doing what's best for me, no matter how much I want to be around her. No matter how much that pole dance, or our make out session at Beans' party, or our really good (until the end) date creeps back into my mind. Rebecca is not good for me, and I don't want to be collateral damage to whatever scheme she is pulling with Josh. 

It's like that butter ad says, when was the last time you were happy? I've got to go where the happy is. And right now that is wherever Rebecca Bunch is not.

...I just wish my heart was as sophisticated as my brain when it comes to making these sorts of decisions.


End file.
